i feel messed up again. like, im really not certain.. wish i could be.. certain that is.. sighx. i miss him.. miss everything.. sighx~ everything has become past tense. whatever's happened to the present? this is neverending. im stuck in a rut. and i cant seem to get out. it's like, im goin round in this futile pursuit of.. of.. of what? love? i doubt that. i dont believe in it.. not now at least. then what's this? seems like nothing somehow. but on the other hand, i kinda know it isnt too? then pray tell me, what is it!? maybe i have yet to come across a word for it. sometimes i wanna get on, an move away? like, do the things we used to? but i cant.. everything jez seems to remind me of how things were? and of how things are so different now.. in his absence. this is hopeless.. im hopeless.. hopelessly stuck in this nothingness~



and im like going to meet jared now to study.. er.. okay now~ er.....