[see.. told ya i'd blog again. im sucha genius..]

anyway. yes. got pissed.. [ahh, dont you just looove my moodswings?] yes. had to install pa's bb thingy for him. then once again, got fuckin' stressed. i swear i was. cuz it just couldn be done cuz i didn have some thingy thingys required. ugh. i got so pissed i started scratching again. i hate it. i hate having to do these things for them. its like, im not even an IT person thingy man. but i have to settle all these around the house. install things, come to me. do some tv shit, come to me. blah blah blah.. then when i'm unable to do them properly, I give MYSELF stress. ugh. i dont know what the fuck is going on.

fuck. i sound like some whiny kid. erm.. waitaminute.. that IS me

anyway. so i dont have jujie's windows98 disc. so now im gonna have to connect pa's bb thingy to my comp. which means spending another $40 bucks to change the dialup line.. wow. an then, its another 5 working days wait till another one of these agonies of struggling to help him install it again. ugh. just hope it doesn screw my comp up. cuz i love my comp. bugs an all. i love it.

an *gasp* i managed to talk to an actual human being at the screwed up singnet helpline thingy thingy. not only did he not piss me off, he actually had a calming effect on me. an he was damn helpful. unlike the other one.. steve. an dang, i didn get to catch the name of this helpful IT savvy god. dammit. bah. anyway. yes. but his calming effect took too long to set in.. cuz by the time i was calm, i managed to transfer my negative vibes onto mimi..

oh woe is the person who is near me while im doing my wrathing..

mmm.. just got the mail.. my net bill is like $39.52!! *gasp* its sooo little!! haha.. i should have switched to bb sooner.. sucha thrill to see sucha tiny amount written in that lil' line that says "total current charges".. *weee*

an yea.. got jujie's letter.. its so thick! haha.. sighx. y'know. it seems like im not that affected by her leaving? till i read her letter. she wrote something to the effect of her being lonely at night? sighx. i teared. sighx. i really hope she's alright over there? i dont know. sighx. its so different.. being at home now. i just dread staying at home. somehow can feel my r/s with pa an mimi deteriorating. sighx. its a horrible feeling really. all i want to do is to get out? but something, somewhere is holding me back. pulling me to stay at home. makin' me feel guilty for going out..

thinking back bout how things were like between jujie an i? its amazing, but i must say i really really miss her sososo much. i suppose its something like this, her having to leave? that made me realise just how much i love her, an how much i do miss her presence? sighx. an like, somehow feel that emi jie an i are brought closer together too? an now, i am fully aware of how much pa loves us all? but, somehow, he doesn show it. an i just feel that.. it aint the case sometimes. esp the way he talks to me. i hate this feeling? sighx.

i guess i just need to work. to get away from all this? an yea.. to have different kinds of problems perhaps?

sighx.. an yea. when i got that msg just now. i swear my heart just dropped. the last time that happened was like 6 months ago i suppose. i dont want it to be? just as we are talking again, he goes away. sighx. destined? i dont know. i hate it when people leave. esp when its people that mean so much to me.