okay. im bloggin way too much today.

mmm.. finally decided to think about what i wanna do with my life. like wow. after 18 going on 19 years.. finally decide to think about it eh? but yea. im screwed man

went to the local U's webbys just now. okay. i think the NUS webby is well.. not as nice as the nanyang one. sorry man. but its the truth. like, everything is all hidden an tucked away. its almost like they dont want me to find out about them.. [a conspiracy. i bet they think im not good enough.. but well.. im not.. haha] an well. im screwed la..

i can say that for the whole night. screwed screwed screwed.

yea, perhaps i got woken up by my scgs doctor friend. i dunno. but yea. i really believe i wouldn be able to make it to U.. no. im not one of those people that know that they can.. but go on an on about how lousy they are. in fact, i despise those people. so well. 'nuff bout them an back to me. mmm.. have i mentioned that im screwed?

so yea. what am i gonna do? am seriously hoping to do badly enough to get back into JJ for a second shot. cuz well, i dont think im dumb. hell im not. just not.. well.. focused enough. yea.. that's me. sighx. but mmm.. what am i gonna do if i cant? well, i'l just totally be screwed. howhowhow!? go NIE lor. sighx. that's IF they want me. sighx.

seriously man. can i please mention again that im screwed!?

oh man. my life is flashing before me. i mean. look. we are just mere teenagers. why isit that all the major decisions that may just totally affect our futures have to be done in this volatile period of our lives? i mean, seriously? what may seem like the world to us at this age, would be mere peanuts come the 20s. no? sighx. but look.

here we are having to first decide what subjects to take at 15. then at 16, we have to choose. to go to poly or to pursue a worthless Alevel cert in hopes of using it to enter uni. for the poly kids, what course to take? not everyone at 16 or 17 know what they want to be doing for the rest of their working lives y'know. an the Alevel buggers. what sub combi to take? an this decision would have been hampered by the prev choice they made at 15. then after that, should they successfully make it to the big U.. what course to take then? should they not.. repeat the poly steps.

or what!? maybe its just me. i mean, i do know people who know perfectly well what they wanna do. like lynette, or rosie. i dunno. maybe im just whining about myself. but its true man. i have no dream. my dreams have been shattered. i dont know what i want to be doing with my life

an then the song goes:
don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life
the most interesting people i know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
some of the most interesting 40 year olds i know still don't

- sunscreen song

but the again. this aint a local song. so yea. it doesn apply.. damn.. face it edna. wake up. we are just this lil flake on this big thing we like to call earth. an well. big surprise!! it aint easy living on this lil flake. not one bit. yer screwed man.

shit