so maybe what you said was true. maybe what i thought was the real him.. wasnt? maybe i thought wrong again. i dont know. but seriously. i was never close to him before. we hardly talked. its true. an when i started to find a friend in him. we were close. we were. well.. or so i'd like to think. i mean.. yes. what do you expect. before that, i had no contact with him. an then. that's what i see? so naturally i'd think that was him? so maybe that period where he "ignored" me was the real him coming through? well. i dont know. as in., yes. i really wouldn have a clue? an right now, am i to blame to think that our friendship should return to what it seemed? im sorry to think that we would be close again then. what can i do? an i do not like to talk about him to you. cuz it seems like you are always so quick to defend him. sometimes i feel like what im saying to you doesn seem to go in at all. all this while, i'v always glossed over what im feeling when talking to you. have you realised that?

i dont know. sometimes i think im an irritating person. no, im not gonna start going into one of those "oh.. im a horrible person, im pitiful, nobody loves me" shite. cuz that's just not me. in fact, i get pissed at people who do that. so no. im not gonna say that.

but seriously, i dont think that there's one person out there who really knows me? i dont know. maybe that's the way everyone else is? but well.. i dont know. its like, i have friends, but i never reveal all? i dont know? that's not wrong right? its just like, i dont like to be so transparent to all.. but sometimes, i'd rather? i dont know.

but then again. what wenz said last night kinda got to me. is that what she sees? a smile plastered on? oh gawds. the more i dwell on this.. the more i feel.. erked. i need a.. revamp. i dont know. i need a drink. naw. i dont. i need something. what i dont know.. maybe a specimen of the male kind. perhaps. i dont know. what do i know anyway?

sighx.. do i seem transparent? i dont know. i dont like that. i dont know. its like. whatever. i think i need a shrink. but then again, i may not tell her everything? so what's the point right?

yea. what's the point?