i miss my mommy..

am pretty sure my mind's made up. really. but i'm just so damn worried i'l end up in square one all over again. i know this is really dumb.
but i just can't help feeling a lil paranoid.

call it paranoia. or maybe i just don't have enough faith in myself..

the feeling is starting again. am seriously getting exceedingly cranky. and dissatisfied with everything. this is starting to be sucha facade. its all but a sham. don't wanna do this anymore. just so damned tired.

how can anyone continue with all this?

i miss the simplicity of my past. scratch that. i yearn for it. but then again, it could be all crass. probably as i attempt to fondly recollect on those times.. my brain is trying its darnest to block out all those lil embarrassments.. leaving a gorgeous shiny platter of memories.

phft. what is real in these days anyway?

am feeling so bogged down. i need one of those memory remover thingys. yes. a pensieve. to quote the beloved headmaster of a very magical school "one simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examine at one's leisure"

heck. just gimme a bout of amnesia. it'll be good to just start over.

i'd be able to forget who i really am.
[to hell with all the bad qualities. i'l be able to start anew]

or who i am supposed to be.
[am sick of having to live up to what people perceive me to be]

what ideals have been imposed on me.
[maybe its about time i start being more tolerant]

what expectations i'm supposed to live up to.
[plain cowardice.. which happens to be another flaw i'd love to forget]

i a m j u s t s o b l o o d y t i r e d
i think i shall go on a hiatus.