feeling lost again. it really is a cyclical thing ainnit? not lost. more a sense of hopelessness. like, i know i'm a mean person. but i can't fucking help it. i cannot stand incompetency. but i do not deny that i am guilty of that. i think i have double standards. i wish on others what i am unable to fulfil. my temper is something that's surfacing a lot recently.

i am ashamed of my lack of control. but nothing seems to be helping. nothing. esp not with this whole mood swingy thing. and my fucking period is tmd not fucking helping.

am just tired. worn out. i need sun. i swear.
i need a good dose of vitaminD

i'm just so fucking tired. tired of all the expectations and facades i have to maintain. just so absofuckinglutely tired. i seem to have created so many of myselves that i can no longer keep up with things. i'm tired.
i hate the fact that i'm always pretending. i swear i cannot remb a time of late that i just let go. and just fucking be without these walls.

i just want to be happy. can i capture that feeling and hold it forever? is it even normal to be so high so recently and be so low right now?



seriously

fucked

up