christmas is coming..

it's always been about the presents, and the food. meeting up with my extended family, spending the whole freakin' day at uncles. wasn't necessarily the best thing to do in the whole world. but then again,
when i was younger, my extended family was my whole world.

playing with claire and danny.. learning mahjongg from the aunts an watching them play.. going online as i grew older and learnt about the amazing irc.. or just plain just bumming around doing nothing.

that's what christmas was to me.

now, that's changed. and it sucks. its whittled down to my immediate family. not that i mind really, i love them to bits. but i crave that closeness i felt in my childhood. so it may have been all a farce, with lotsa nitty gritty things happening without my knowing. but hey. what i didn't know didn't hurt me right? i loved my childhood dammit.

and now with all this shit.. it doesn't help that jujie isn't around. she's always been the bringer of christmas joy? to me at least.. well, i feel like i celebrated christmas early this year.. back in brunei? dammit. it felt good just singing all the carols with her in the car..

*
met up with the girls. we finally ventured outta town. east coast dammit. that's an achievement. i had fun. i did. they totally up'd my christmas spirit with their love an company? *hugs*



and now its come all fucking crashing down. THANKS. you just had to raise your voice at me. for fucking what!? so fucking unfair.

thanks for just totally fucking ruining everyfuckingthing for me. thanks. i'm not your punching bag. i just came back for fucks sake. thanks. what ever lil' christmas spirit has finally left me. you happy now?

*
i might regret saying what i just said? but fuck.
right now, i couldn't fucking care less

wonder if this'l get any worse. that'd be something to behold
hope your festive season is going better than mine