heyx.. k.. so i admit i havent been totally honest with you.. i'm sorry..but ya.. i cant i jez cant i'm sorry.. but i'm feeling absolutely horrid now.. i mean.. ya.. i dunno how to say.. but i guess i wasn supposed to see that.. it made me feel awful.. is that what you really think!? that i did that purposely to hurt you!? Or that i like him!? i dont! i really dont! i havent.. i havent fancied him in like ages.. that was ages ago that you thot that, but ya.. i really hope youv stop feeling that way.. seriously..i mean, you hurt me too! i dunno what got into me. why did i pick that day!? somethings should never be raked up. but they were. i'm sorry. but ya.. you hurt me too!. THREE times. i know you didn do it purposely.. i hope? but ya.. it did happen.. i felt so betrayed. you'r prob gonna say that i caused for that to happen.. but you knew!! you knew all three time.. then!? y did you still!? i mean. i really cant take it. we have a love hate relationship y'know. i never wanted it to be like that.. i never did.. but whats happening now. i feel so left out. we'v totally stopped communicating beyond the obvious. it has stopped. is this the end? are we going to jez remain as superficial friends? i cant. i'm sure things have been happening in your life, jez as things have been happening in mine. i havent had the courage to tell you anything. ever since the past experiences.. i cant.. i cant anymore. so i'm weak, an i dunno how best to make this work. but i really dunno how.. i cant.. i jez feel like telling you sometimes you know. i want us to catch up on things.. for things to be what it was before. but the wall has been built. i d'not know how to bring it down. so many things. an up to now, i still feel the hurt. cuz things were never cleared in the first place. sometimes i think you are doing it on purpose. but y would you wanna do that!? to hurt me?! whatever for!? oh gosh, i hope you didn think i was doing the same to you.. i dunno? maybe i was? i'm a bad friend.. but i jez felt so jealous. everytime i saw you with them, anyone of them, i couldn take it. but trust me. i never intentionally tried to hurt you. i wanted to help. those feelings stopped a very long time ago. is it my fault that we were jez better friends? i dunno.. or so i felt? i really didn do it on purpose. not on that day at least. but are you!? are you doing it on purpose? sometimes i think you know already. an that makes me even more paranoid that you are doing it to torture me. but then.. do you really? are you really? i hope not. i should never have seen that. never. ignorance is bliss definatly. i'm sorry for whatever iv done. have i gone too far with this? but do you have any idea how hurt i was when i saw it? i had no idea. if only you had talked to me then. if only i had talked to you the previous three times. but its not me to talk. i hope you'v realized that already? i dunno whats the point in all this. but ya. i really hope things'l be better? really really. iv lost one too many a friend that i know now that.. i dunno.. i really dunno what else to say.