mmm.. yea. i didn know this whole thing is affecting pa so much? yea, in the car on the way to emi jie's place, he was really crying lor? i mean, this is the first time iv seen this side of him? cuz he usually appears as the hard one? i dont know. but to see him cry like that just now. somehow i felt that well, those things he was talking about? had emi jie not been there, he'd probably not have mentioned? i dont know. like, emi jie is the one that he'd talk to? not me? yea. i mean, i dont feel bad or anything, just glad that well, he got it out? sighx. i really had no idea? the way he felt of us all? as in.. yea.. he really doesn show his emotions much. but just now.. they all came out? yea. somehow, like, i dunno.. it made me really love him so much more?

yea, an emi jie too? sighx. i know she's missing her just as all of us are? but well, i cant help but feel that at least she's got dom an the kids? i mean, seriously, now.. i come home everyday to an even more empty home? sighx, there just isnt any homely feel to this flat any longer? went into her room today, everything has all been cleared out? it seems so empty? an like, i dont know. i dont know when i'l ever get used to that. as it is? i hardly have anyone to talk to when i get home. now, there's really no one? sighx. an i just cant help but want to get out all the time? but i feel bad? like, then pa would be alone at home an all? but.. but.. i really dont know? i dont want to face these four walls day in an day out? but i also dont want pa to be alone? so like, what am i supposed to do?

sighx. i know mummy's hurting too. but i dont know how to help her. i dont know how to help pa an emi jie either? i felt so useless just now when he was crying. sighx. i dont want him to cry? it makes me feel just even more vulnerable? i know its really selfish of me, but he has always been like the brick? of sorts? i dont know. i just feel so lost sometimes.. esp now?

i know i never really did get along with her all the time? we didn have a perfect relationship. but thats how siblings are like isnt it? an yea. i do miss her. if im lonely now, i cant imagine how she must be feeling over there? all alone in her bunk? sighx. i wish there was something i could do.

well yea, on a slightly happier note, i finally got the photos? yea. for once, my eyes didn close? but yea. my neck.. *shudders* an yea. i think i look pretty nice? ahaha.. for a person who didn put on a single bit of makeup.. well, not counting the eyebrow thingy [which is a necessity.. i cant help it if i have none right!?!?] an the occasional lippy? [which pretty much got eaten up most of the time anyway..] mmm.. an i managed to look all nice an healthly tanned? haha.. sighx.. but yea.. sighx.. the ones that mattered the most didn turn out that nice.. sighx.

yea.. sighx