what's wrong with me. behind this "smile" of mine. lost. i dont know. i really dont know. breaks my heart really. i wish i knew what's happening. but i dont dare to ask? i dont know why. okay. maybe i do. im afraid there'd be someone else? cuz right now, i dont think i'd be able to take it. but who am i anyway? i make myself sound so important. but well, part of me is dreading it. but the other part is saying that, if there is someone else, it means that you are happy? i dont know.

i never did know. dont think i ever will.

want to get away from this all. can i? i need a trip. need to get out. just hope that pa would allow me. i really want to get away from all this. to surround myself with people that love me. or at least i think they do. yea. they do.